Excess Baggage
by whosurdaddy
Summary: In order to get her father's attention Renesmee fakes her own kidnapping by putting herself into her own car. Then, car theif Jacob steals the car. Now Renesmee finds herself really kidnapped by sexy theif Jacob. M for language AU/AH
1. And so it begins

_**Based off of the 1997 movie "Excess Baggage".**_

_**I do NOT own Excess Baggage or Twilight...**_

* * *

_**(Renesmee)**_

You would NOT believe what a girl's got to do, just to get a little attention.

Really you wouldn't.

See I just wanted what every girl wants from their father. To be loved no matter what. Some one to protect you if you every need help. Someone who picks me up when I fall down. You know, someone to guide me through life. But for some reason my father just didn't get that fact.

It seemed like a good idea at the time. I wasn't sure if he'd pay, or even show up. But it wasn't about the money. It was never about the money.

I had this fantasy about my plan working out.

'My father getting me out of the car pushing the reporters and police out of the way. "Thank god, your alright my darling." He would say.

"Mr. Cullen how much did you pay to get your daughter back?" One of the reporters would ask holding the mic and camera in front of our face.

"It doesn't matter. The important thing is that my daughter is safe. And I would pay anything to get her back." Daddy would then smile at me.

It really was the perfect plan even if it didn't work.

I idly tapped my perfectly manicured nails on my BMW and I stared out of the parking structure. I saw a distant bridge and an approaching river barge.

The barge was drawing closer to the bridge. Closer. And closer still. I took a drag of my cigarette, put it out, then I called the number I knew by heart.

I watched with my binoculars as my father Edward Cullen, stands in the phone booth just across from the bridge. He was waiting for the phone to ring. Waiting for my call. He was caressing his briefcase like it contained a million dollars, which it does.

Nearby idle joggers in the park are more than obviously undercover cops. I was more than a little surprised that my father involved the cops in this. With all of his questionable business deals it was unexpected. I guess he was just using them to retrieve the money.

I held the voice changing device in my hand ready to make the call.

The phone rings and Daddy answers it.

"I'm here."

"Edward Cullen?" I ask, using the voice filter so he wouldn't recognize my voice.

"Yes"

"Did you bring the money?"

"Yes"

"Good, now listen carefully."

"I wish to speak to my daughter."

"I'm not interested in what you wish, Mr. Cullen. Just follow the questions and stick to the plan. Do I make myself clear?"

"Very" He answered

I watch the barge move towards the bridge and I readjust the fader. It was a real bitch having to adjust and readjust constantly.

"Do you see the barge approaching the bridge?" I asked still using the fader.

I could see him turning his head to look for the barge. Finally he nods.

"Yes, I see it."

"Walk to the bridge, throw the briefcase onto the barge, and come back to the phone booth for further directions."

"How do I know you'll release her?"

"You don't." I finished simply.

* * *

Detective Mike Newton, is the kind of guy who does his job well, but everything seems to be shot to hell anyway. This gives him a grim take on life, but he always keeps trying. He watches fellow cop Crowley, fiddle with telephone tracing equipment. Newton's less than garrulous partner, Yorkie, listens in on an extra set of headphones.

"Fucking untraceable cell phone." Crowley mutters.

"What did you expect?" Newton asks

Newton stares out the black van's polarized window at Edward, who's walking steadily out along the bridge.

"It's probably her cell phone." Newton says glancing at Crowley. Newton then looks over at Yorkie and asks "Where is he going?" referring to Mr. Cullen.

"To throw the money over the side." Yorkie answers

"What?"

"That's what they just told him to do." Yorkie finishes

Newton glaring at Yorkie, grabs for his walkie-talkie.

"Were you going to tell me before or after he tossed it?" Newton asks Yorkie, who just shrugs.

"He's throwing the money onto the barge. I want full surveillance. I mean it, don't loose that barge." Newton said in to the walkie-talkie.

* * *

_**(Renesmee)**_

I got the phone balanced precariously on one shoulder while trying to open the trunk of my silver BMW. I got out some heavy duty duct tape. I stared out of the parking structure at the distant bridge.

Daddy's stick figure tiny in the distance, heaves the briefcase over the side of the bridge. The briefcase lands on the barge under the bridge. He then starts back to the phone booth at a steady pace.

"Nice throw, Dad." I noted

The joggers (undercover cops), looking like ants scrounging for food, struggle to keep pace with the barge. I laughed softly while taping my ankles together.

The phone crackles to life.

"You've got the money. Now where's my daughter?" Daddy asked

Ankles taped, I hopped to the trunk to look for the cuffs. I held the fader carefully in my hands and spoke.

"You'll find her in the trunk of her car, which is in fifth level parking at"... I looked at the wrinkled piece of paper in my jeans pocket. "29 East Ninety-Fourth Street."

I hung up, and threw the fader out the parking structure's window. And working fast now because time is running out I duct tape my mouth and hair together. Trying not to gag, I put on the handcuffs, the final touch. They were just plain handcuffs like the cops use, not the fuzzy pink one's I have at home. I crawl in to the trunk of my car and slammed the trunk lid, so it's closed.

Everything was going according to plan. There was just one thing I couldn't have anticipated.

* * *

_**(Jacob)**_

There it was, the BMW M6 Coupe. You could tell it was just a couple months old, but very beautiful, a prize indeed. It was just sitting innocently in it's parking lot. It was absolutely silent, except for the sound of my approaching footsteps.

I was just a well dressed businessman picking up my car and heading home from a long days work. That's what you'd think. That's what I'd want you to think. But what you'd see from me next would disprove that theory.

I walk to the BMW and causally glance both ways. I take out my slim jim lock pick and unlock the car. The alarm system goes off so I hurry up and hot wire the car thus starting the motor. And I drive off.

* * *

Newton comes out of the van at a dead run, talking into the walkie-talkie. The undercover cars are peeling out, their sirens wailing as they go.

"Odds are someone's still monitoring us from here..." Newton mutters to himself. He glances at the distant parking structure.

"They can still see us from here, turn off the god damn sirens!" He shouts into the walkie-talkie.

* * *

On the barge a man steps out of the wheelhouse, noticing the briefcase on the aft deck. He walks over to it and picks it up, he shakes it. Then opens it and finds a million bucks, in cash.

"PUT YOUR HANDS UP, AND DROP THE BREIFCASE." A man says with a blow horn from in the chopper.

The man who works on the barge drops the briefcase and puts up his hands. The money falls out of the briefcase when it drops.

The Chopper then fly's directly over the barge. The money goes flying all over the place, but mostly it's in the Bay. While the scared barge man still has his hands up.

* * *

"Ugh, Newton?" The pilot radios in

"What now?" he asks angry that no can ever do anything right.

"We've lost the money" The helicopter pilot says to Newton.

"Dammit. Well how did we lose it?"

"The chopper took it." he replied

"SHIT!" "We lost the fucking money!" he exclaims looking at Yorkie.

"Look that's the BMW."

"The car's on the move. The BMW's leaving." Crowley states

"Are you kidding me? We lost the money. We lost the money and the hostage and the perp's. I don't believe this. Could this day get any fucking worse?" Newton mutters the last part mostly to himself.

* * *

_**(Jacob)**_

I took a right and then a left. And next thing I know I hear sirens. I look in the rear view mirror and I see cops behind me, chasing me. I don't know how on earth they knew I stole the car. But I knew I wasn't about to give up this car. I lead the cops under a highway, and I see more cops. What the hell is going on here?

I swerve around the beams that held up the highway. The cops trying to follow and mimic me end up crashing. They crash into the beams and other cop cars.

I finally am able to get away from the cops. Which is good because I need to get back to the warehouse. Sam will have my head if I don't.

I go to the storage warehouse, which is our cover. In there is where we keep all of the cars I steal. "Push Storage" that's what it's called. Named after Sam and I's home in La Push. The door opens like a garage door, I drive in.

I put the car on a lift. And go up into my office with the black leather backpack purse that was in the backseat of the car. I could hear the chopper up above me, and I immediately felt relief when it passed. I dumped out the contents of the backpack. It was important to do that because there could be money or other valuable things in there.

I found a locket in there that said "plus que ma propre vie" I didn't even know what that meant. But then I saw a license.

Renesmee Carlie Cullen age 18, and that was as far as I could read because I was staring at her picture. She was stunning, she had creamy pale skin with chocolate brown eyes. And reddish brown long curly hair. This girl was a dream, it almost made me feel bad for stealing her car. That minor feeling died after I looked at that sweet silver BMW. It was also stunning. A beautiful car for a beautiful girl, shame I couldn't have both. But I gave that up. Romancing girls, I guess I'm just not relationship material.

I was getting ready to leave. When I heard 'thump', 'thump', 'thump' the noise was coming from the trunk. I looked at the car and it was moving because of the force of the thumps. What the hell was in there? Whatever it is, it's alive.

I knew I had to check it out. I didn't know what was in there. It could be a wild animal or something so because I'm a pussy, I grabbed a crowbar. Slowly and cautiously opened the trunk.

"Mphguh" she screamed. I tripped and slammed the trunk door closed. The car kept moving and thumping, and I could hear her trying to make noise through the duct tape.

I hesitantly reached for the trunk again. I looked at her, it was the same girl from the license photo. Except she was bound with duct tape and hand cuffs.

"Hi" she tried to say but it really came out like "mpghih". I slammed the trunk.

Holy shit, I have a girl in the trunk of the car that I stole...

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	2. The Girl in the Trunk

**I don't own Excess Baggage or Twilight, I'm just using them both.**

**OMG I can't beilieve I got this story out today. It's so awesome cause I didn't think I would be able to.**

**I want to thank all those who reviewed/alerted/favorited. It's so great that you guys like it so far.**

**I hope you like this chapter too. And don't forget to review.**

* * *

Jasper Whitlock considered himself to be a smart man. He could tell certain things about a person. Like he knew when they we lying. He was also very keen when it came to people's emotions, sometimes that made people nervous.

But Jasper wasn't always serious. There were certain people in his life that could bring out a different side of him. His wife Alice, for one. But his niece Renesmee really was a joy. Her snarky comments we're really only appreciated by Jasper. Because unlike her father Jasper understood Renesmee.

That's why he was here today. To help his step brother in finding his daughter.

Jasper walks in the house and is greeted by Edward and two detectives.

"I'm Renesmee's uncle." Jasper says to the detectives.

"What I was explaining to Mr. Cullen is that we can't just go house to house looking for her. We have to wait until they make a move." Newton explained

"What do you know about they?" Jasper asked

"We saw the guy who drove her BMW away form the pick up zone. Dark hair, darkish skin, couldn't tell how old he is."

"He wasn't apprehended?" Jasper asked shocked

"No." Newton answered slowly, looking like a fool.

"Now Jasper, I'm sure these gentlemen are doing everything within their power." Edward said

"Would you excuse us? It's been a very trying and emotional time for me, and I'd like a moment alone with Mr. Whitlock." Edward continued talking to the detectives.

"Sure, of course. We'll be outside." and the detectives left the room.

Edward and Jasper turned to watch them leave, as they wanted their conversation to be private.

"The fools also lost the ransom." Edward said to Jasper

* * *

_**(Jacob)**_

I was getting ready to leave. I zipped up my jacket and saw the car shaking again. You could also hear faint thumping noises, a tell tale sign that she was trying to get out. I wasn't going to let that happen until I talked to Sam.

I went outside, it was pouring of course. That's Seattle for you.

I went walking to the diner. So I could figure out what I was going to do about the girl in the trunk.

* * *

"I don't understand why you brought them into this. Kidnappers always insist the police stay out of it, otherwise you get an finger in the mail, or something like that." Jasper said to Edward

"Jasper, I have a bigger problem. I have to close the deal in Brazil soon. And I have to be their in person."

"Oh well, it must be important." Jasper replied causally

"Their all important, Jasper. This one is more important than most." Edward said

"Aren't there other people to make this deal?" Jasper asked

"There always are."

"They could be the ones behind it. They figure you'll be more concerned about Renesmee than the meeting. Wouldn't you think that?" Jasper gave his step brother an analyzing stare.

"Put a lid on it. I don't want it turning into a circus. Not now, when I have the business deal to think about." Edward scowled at his step brother.

"You should have called me first." Jasper said while sipping his scotch.

* * *

_**(Jacob)**_

'Quil's diner'. My favorite place to go. I went there all the time. But this time I walked in nervously because of the situation I currently found myself in.

"Hey Jacob." Emily the waitress said to me.

I nodded my head at her as I made my way over to the pay phone. I needed to talk to Sam, now.

"What can I get ya?" She asked as friendly as ever.

"Just a cup of coffee." I replied hoping I didn't sound to conspicuous.

I was right by the phone, but this guy was hogging the phone. He was talking loud and obnoxiously. He was the type to make hand gestures too. It was fucking annoying, and I needed to talk to Sam.

"Yeah, you gonna be long?" I asked the pansy ass with the hand gestures.

"It's just going to be two minutes. Just give me two minutes." pansy ass said while pointing at me.

I went to go sit down with my coffee. I might as well since I had to wait for pansy ass to stop yelling at his boyfriend.

"There's a lot of cops around here. Did ya notice?" Emily asked me.

"Yeah, they do that at the end of the month." I shrugged it off. But I knew it was because they we're looking for me.

_**

* * *

**_

_**(Renesmee)**_

I kept banging my feet and cuffed wrists against the walls of the trunk. I felt this little button, I started wiggling it. Until it felt loose. To my excitement the trunk opened.

I wiggled my way out of the trunk. With my feet on the ground first. I had to wiggle more to get the rest of my body out. I almost tripped because my ankles were still taped together.

I ripped the tape, that covered my mouth and continued all around my head off.

"AHHH" I shouted as it pulled on my hair. That hurt like a son of a bitch.

I bent down and peeled off the tape that was around my ankles. I rolled up my skinny jeans to retrieve the cuffs key in my boots. One I got the key I uncuffed myself, and put the cuffs in my back pocket.

I looked around. I was in some kind of car warehouse. I saw that no one was around and took that as my cue to leave. I walked around, looking for any kind of an exit.

I found this weird hallway, wide enough for a car to fit through. I went it in and saw a little door with a metal ring handle. I started to pull on it. The door wouldn't open. I tried twisting the handle. And it opened. There was another door but it was padlocked. It was locked shut.

"Shit" I muttered under my breath.

* * *

_**(Jacob)**_

Pansy ass was still yapping on the phone. He said two minutes. Not two centuries. I tried to keep myself distracted by blowing on my coffee or looking around the room. But that didn't help. I decided to say something to him again, cause if I didn't I'd be stuck here forever.

"Excuse me Sir?" I whistled at him for good measure.

"Honey, hang on a sec." pansy ass said to the phone.

"My mother is in the hospital, and I love her very much. I mean I'm waiting here while your talking for god knows how long... Long... Long..." That was a lie, my mother died when I was a child. But I was getting pissy at pansy ass. I needed to talk to Sam about the girl in the trunk. This guy talking to his boyfriend was not nearly as important.

"Yeah, you too. I gotta go. I gotta go honey, okay." pansy ass said to the phone. He made a hand gesture to me that said I could come over. Meaning he was finally done with the phone.

"Thank you." I said exuberantly, putting my hands up as if in praise.

I walked up to the pay phone and after several more thank you's, I put in a quarter.

I dialed Sam's number and put the phone to my ear.

"Emily, can you put that into a paper cup for me?" I asked referring to the coffee, I planned to take on the go.

The phone was ringing and then it stopped, when Sam answered.

"Sam, we got a problem."

"Did you get the BMW?" Sam asked

"Yeah, I got the BMW?"

"Then what's the problem?"

"We just got a problem. You need to get to the warehouse right away." I said and I hung up the phone. I picked up my coffee and started to walk back to the warehouse.

_**

* * *

**_

_**(Renesmee)**_

I kept searching for another way out, but I couldn't find one. If this fucker thinks he can just steal my car and ruin my plan he's a total dipshit. Cause I'm not letting that happen, I've worked to long on this plan. And I loved my BMW.

I opened my car so I could find my cell phone. I found in under the mat of the passenger's side, and dialed home.

"Cullen residence" some guy answered. I didn't know who it was but I figured it must be one of the cops.

"Can I talk to my father." I asked

"One moment, please." The cop said

"Renesmee? Where are you?" Daddy asked

"You tell me. I don't know. I'm in some warehouse and there's cars everywhere." How could the cops have screwed up so badly that they let my car get stolen with me in it? Gosh those morons, this was supposed to be a simple plan and now it's royally fucked.

"Hey princess, Guess who?" I heard uncle Jasper's voice on the phone.

"Uncle Jazz? What are you doing there?" I loved seeing uncle Jazz but he was always so busy he rarely visited.

"Looking for ya darlin. I missed ya." He said with his southern drawl.

"Uncle Jazz, I've been kidnapped."

"Your father's concerned, I've never seen him so upset."

"I don't know what to do. I tried all the doors and there all locked. And there's bars everywhere." I explained to him.

"Maybe I could talk to someone."

"Someone? Someone who?"

"Whoever is letting you use the phone."

"How could I get to a phone if there was someone here? I'm trying to tell you I need help. I'm all alone in this creepy car warehouse and I just want to go home." Yesterday all I wanted to do was get away from my home because my father ignored me, and I was all alone. Now today I want the exact opposite.

I heard a door open, I could tell someone was coming so I hid behind one of the cars.

* * *

_**(Jacob)**_

I walked by the car slowly and quietly. I stared at the trunk for the longest time. I didn't hear the thumping anymore. And the car wasn't shaking either. I lowered my head so my ear was on the trunk. I was trying to hear something, anything. But I didn't, then again would I? I mean trunks are pretty thick.

I walk over by the passenger side inspecting the BMW. For what? I don't know.

"Sir, can I have my car keys?" I almost die from shock, when I hear a feminine voice say that from behind me. The girl in the trunk must have gotten out somehow. I put up my hands.

"Can I have my keys?" she persisted

"Hold on, hold on." I say as I put my hand in my pocket. Trying to think of a way to escape.

"I'm just putting one hand into my pocket." I say and then I run by a beam post. I hide my face. When she gets released the last thing I need is for her to identify me. I already have a record for theft, I don't need one for kidnapping too.

"Just give me my keys. And then let me go." she says

"How the hell did you get out of the trunk?" If she couldn't get out before how could she now? This didn't make any fucking sense.

"It popped open. Fine you can have my car just let me go." She shrugged

She peeked up at me.

"Don't look at me. Listen I'm not going to hurt you, okay." I said

"Your not going to hurt me?" she asked

"I don't even carry a gun." It was true. I was a very non-violent person, almost a pacifist. I didn't like to fight.

"You sure your not going to hurt me?" she asked me. Of course she thought I was going to hurt her, she was kidnapped. Who knows what kind of horrible things she's been through. I felt sorta bad for stealing her car.

* * *

_**(Renesmee)**_

"Alright." I reached for the big wrench by the beam pole.

I ran for the exit and if that asshole tried to stop me I'd beat his ass.

I went down the wide hallway again and opened the door. I banged the wrench on the padlock wishing that it would brake so I could leave this hell hole.

"Stop, that's not cool." The guy said. He grabbed one end of the wrench while I held on to the other end. We fought for it. I kicked him in the balls. He bent over in pain. He threw the wrench down angrily.

"Now that was a good kick. Alright, but I don't want to fight." He insisted putting his russet hands up in defense.

I was giving him the death glare of a life time while we were circling each other.

"I don't want to fight. I'm not going to hurt you, alright? I'm not going to hurt you." He kept saying it as if it mattered. What about what I wanted? I wanted to fight, and I was going to. I didn't get my black belt for nothing. All I wanted was to get out of this shithole but did he let me? No. So damn straight I was going to fight.

I attacked him. I was kicking him in the stomach as I pulled his hair. He wrestled me off of him and slammed me against the wall.

"Are you mental? I told you I don't want to fight." He started walking away.

I ran after him and pushed him to the floor.

* * *

**(Jacob)**

She pushed me to the floor but I caught her and brought her down with me. What the hell kind of crazy bitch was she?

I rolled over her so she was under me. Her tight ass was rubbing against my groin as she was struggling against my hold. It was sick how appealing it was to me, the way she submitted under me. I had to stop thinking like that, otherwise I was sure to get hard. And I really didn't need that right now.

I grabbed her arms and held them to her lower back. Then I pressed her face against the concrete floor.

"It wasn't me who put you in that trunk. Alright? So you need to just chill, okay?" I said to the beautiful girl beneath me.

"I have to pee." She says to me.

I take her to the bathroom, and I lightly push her in there.

"I can do it on my own, thank you." She says sarcasticly

She had a scratch on her stomach from all the foreplay, I mean fighting...

"I don't want you to get an infection so there's some stuff in here you can use." I say pointing to the cabinet.

I reach behind her to get the cuffs.

"What stuff?" she asks

She reaches for the cabinet, I grab her arm and cuff her to the pole by the toilet.

"Agh, asshole." she mutters as she bangs her head on the pole.

"Yeah well..." I reply

"Fuck you." she spat in my face

"You don't know who I am. I don't know who you are. And your handcuffed to my bathroom pipe. You really don't wanna temp me this way." I say, smiling as I turn to leave.

_**

* * *

**_

_**(Renesmee)**_

He leaves the bathroom.

"Oh what? Your done? You don't wanna play anymore?" I ask

I start yanking my wrist attached to the pole. No use. I'm stuck here, until Captain Douche-bag decides I can go.

A couple hours ago I was locked in a trunk. Now, I'm cuffed to a pole by a toilet. And all of this was by my own doing. Note to dad, boarding schools really don't make you smarter...

* * *

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	3. Like I've Never Heard That One Before

_**I don't own Excess Baggage or Twilight. I own nothing,**__** no for real.**_

_**I hope you guys still like it.**_

_**Thanks for the reviews, those are the best. So keep reviewing.**_

* * *

_**(Jacob) **_

"Yo, Jacob?" I heard someone yell. "Jake? Hey Black, you here?" Sam teased in a mocking voice.

He rounded around the corner to where I was. "I got your money. I got half of what we got for that Porsche." Sam said. Handing me a small black duffel bag.

"Alright..." I muttered

"So what's the problem?" Sam asked expectantly. Crossing his arms over his chest.

"Listen, we got a problem..." I bit out slowly.

Sam shrugged shaking his head. I realized I needed to give him more to go on, but I didn't really know how to say it. So I figure I might as well, start from the beginning. That's always a good place to start, right? I mean that's why they call it the beginning.

"So, I get in the car, alright? I start it up..." I was explaining it to him when he completely interrupted me.

"Is that the car?" I nod yes. He goes over to BMW. "Oh wow. Look at this. I love this color, the whitish silver really makes it look nice. Doesn't it look nice? This will sell right away, I just love it. You did real good this time, Black." He looked approvingly at the BMW. While I wondered if he was finished with his long-ass ranting. I figured he wasn't done. But that didn't matter because I needed to talk to him about the crazy bitch I found in the trunk.

I tried once again to get a few words in, but it was useless with Sam Uley. He was a complete and total dick, there's really no other way to go about saying it. The ass only cared about himself. It didn't bother me. It's not like I cared how he treated me, I knew I wasn't dumb. So it didn't matter when he implied that I was. Anyways, it really wasn't that bad. I've been treated worse, much worse. I just hated how the douche got all 'holier than thou' on me, because he worked in a real office. He might have been some big shot, used car dealer, but I was the one who stole the cars for him.

It's not like I was worried he would cheat me out of money, or anything. He knows that I would beat his ass. I might not like violence, but I would use it to get what's rightfully mine. I might not have been the brightest but I wasn't stupid. I would stand up for myself if it came to it. Sam knew that too. And if we ever did fight. Hands down I'd be the winner. Not to sound too cocky. But I was a half a head taller than him, and I was ripped. I could take him down in less than a second.

I figured since he was still admiring the car and not saying anything, I'd try to explain again.

"Ok so listen to me now. I get in the car, I start it up. I take care of my guy, no problems at the gate so I'm out of the lot. Then BAM," I punched the palm of my other hand to put emphasis on the BAM. "two undercover cars, right on my tail from the get go."

"Cops?" Sam asks nervously.

"Sirens, choppers, and everything, man. I mean I'm driving against traffic and changing lanes, with the cops trying to ride my ass. I mean I didn't know what to do it was all so surreal, like I didn't even know which way was up..." I explained. Sam looked sick, and I know I sure felt it.

"Wait, wait, wait... So what happened to the cops?" Sam asked interrupting and ignoring me again.

"I lost them."

"So then, what's the problem? You ain't got nothing to worry about." He smiled, relieved. I wasn't. I didn't know what to say. But like always Sam did. "Whoa, did we get a Ferrari? Did we order this? Your a fucking genius man. Black is best, it's beautiful." He kept lustfully staring at the Ferrari, practicably humping it.

"Will you stop fucking around?" I growled I calmed myself down and said "The problem ain't over."

"What? What are you talking about?" He asked looking at me like I was crazy. Maybe I was. Cause I sure as hell didn't feel like myself.

"Right, right. I put the car on the hoist. I look at it and the damn thing is moving."

"It's on a hoist, of course it's gonna move, Jacob." He laughed rolling his eyes like I was the dumbest person alive.

"Right, I bring the car down, I open it. And I find the owner in the trunk." I finished lamely looking at Sam.

"The Owner." It was a statement not a question. He still thought I was crazy. Maybe he thought I was high. I didn't do drugs. They made you stupid and sloppy. And I was not a stupid and sloppy car thief. This being the only exception. Sam still was looking at me like I was high though. Hell maybe I was, this shit sure didn't seam real.

"_HEY LET ME OUT OF HERE, ASSHOLES!" _That broke me from my thoughts...

"Who was that?" Sam asked

"The owner... The one in the trunk." I stated

Sam and I go to the bathroom, where she is. Sam opens the door slowly, pussy like.

"Oh, you gonna uncuff me now?" The bronzed headed woman asked me then turned to Sam "You gonna uncuff me?" She brings her cuffed hand up the pole and starts shaking it.

"Well, hell. She's good looking." Sam whispers to me. Like I didn't already know that. My eyes function properly, just like every other part of my anatomy.

"Look, are you aware that your friend has kidnapped me and is keeping me here forcibly against my will? And your an accomplice." She said, I took a quick look at her, she saw me. "Hey you gonna uncuff me?" She asked again.

"I'll tell you what, I'm not an accomplice to this. This is your doing buddy." Sam said looking at me.

Sam was laughing like this was some joke.

"What the fuck is your problem asshole?" The redhead said looking at Sam.

"Oh no problem..." he said casually

Her face went red and she took her uncuffed hand and threw some things at the door. They were pill bottles she must have gotten from the cabinet. She threw another one, this time it got Sam right in the head.

"Aw fuck, that hurt." Sam whined. I had to stifle my laughter.

Sam walked back to my office and we sat on the couch.

"So she's seen your face?" Sam asked

"Yeah she did, but I'd rather get rid of her than drive that car anywhere." I replied

"How did she get out of the trunk?"

"I don't know. I found the keys to the cuffs on her."

"So she doesn't know where we are?" I nodded "Then put her back in the trunk and drive her somewhere." Sam said simply

"Where should I dump her?" I asked

"I don't know Jacob, somewhere outside the city. Take her to dinner, get a motel room, make her your love slave. I don't know and I really don't care." Sam said frustrated

* * *

_**(Renesmee)**_

"Ugh, fuck, come on." I was currently kicking the mirror of the cabinet hoping it would brake. It was difficult because I was cuffed and I had to strain myself, in order to get my leg up there.

"Brake. Come on brake you piece of shit." I muttered as I struggled in kicking the cabinet. The mirror shattered and all the piece fell either in or by the sink.

Asshole 1 and Asshole 2 were not going to get away with this with out any repercussions. When he uncuffs me I was going to kick his fucking ass.

The cabinet cam crashing down. Success.

* * *

_**(Jacob)**_

"And there goes the medicine cabinet..." I muttered to Sam and myself.

Sam was walking to his car. I walked with him.

"Hey Jacob?" He called

"Yeah?" I asked

"Be careful with that girl, she scares the shit outta me." You and me both buddy. You an me both.

"Yeah she's quite a challenge." I turned back "And Sam?"

"Huh?" he asked trying to unlock his car.

"Put the guys back a couple of hours." The last thing I needed was for Felix and Demetri to come and me being gone. If I didn't give them the cars they asked for I would be a dead man. Literally.

* * *

_**(Renesmee)**_

"Oh there you are. Laddies and Gentlemen now he shows up." I looked at the dark man I've come to call Asshole and other obscenities. "I was starting to think you were holding me hostage. Oh wait... Been there done that." I said beyond pissed off.

"Yeah, yeah. Come on let's go." Asshole said looking at me.

"I'm not going anywhere with you." I spat

"Oh yeah? You don't wanna go home?" He was letting me go? Just like that? Well damn, he didn't really even put up a fight. I had more fun with the pansies in boarding school.

He uncuffed me from the pole and cuffed my hands together in front. And brought me to some car. Asshole then proceeded to open the trunk. You've got to be fucking kidding me...

"I want you to get in the trunk." Asshole said as if it wasn't obvious.

"I'm not getting in the trunk." I replied adamant.

"I can't have you seeing this place."

"I'm NOT getting in the trunk."

"I'm not going to hurt you ok. So just get in the damn trunk." He said

"You are hurting me by putting me in the trunk." Duh...

"Don't look at me when your talking to me." He brought a hand up to sorta cover his face. Please, I've already seen his face. If I was going to press charges I could very well identify him. But I wasn't going to press charges once I got out of this. Because if I did I'd have to admit to the cops that I planned my own kidnapping. And there was just no way in hell that was going to happen.

"Well I'm not getting in the trunk." I walked over to the passengers side. He grabbed my arm and pulled be back by the trunk.

"We can do this the easy way, or the hard way." He said

"The hard way? What's the hard way? You frisking me up then giving me a good spanking?" I asked almost laughing.

He rolled his eyes and scowled "It's harder than the easy way."

"Oh, I'm sure it's very _hard_." I laughed while douchey-douche (my new other nickname for him) bit the inside of his mouth.

"Just get in the damn trunk." He said all pissed off.

"Oh did I hit a nerve?" I mocked

"That's it. Just get in the trunk, or I'll put you in the trunk." He looked serious this time. He started walking closer to me.

"No, no. You said you weren't going to hurt me. Putting me in the trunk is hurting me. Look I'll wear this." I picked up this big black hat and put it over my eyes. "Look I can't see anything. Hold some fingers up or something." I did NOT want to go in the small stuffy trunk again. I was desperately freaking out.

"How stupid do you think I am?" he asked taking off the black hat.

"Well... How stupid is there?" I answered

"Ugh, fine. Just get in." He pushed me in the passenger side. Then put the hat all the way down to my chin. Then he handcuffed me to the handle on the door.

"Aw man, you didn't have to do that." I said

"Yeah right..." He muttered

I lift the hat with my free hand while I digged through my purse for a much needed cigarette. I found one, took it out, then lit it.

"Put that out." Asshole has the nerve to tell me.

"Put what out?" I asked sarcasticly

"Put that damn cigarette out on the ash try on the door handle." He says pointing to it.

"Alright, alright." I mutter still taking a couple drags. I flick it out the window of the car. It lands in some cloth basket with rags in it.

My eyes go wide. Did I really just flick my cigarette in the basket made out of cloth? Isn't that flammable? Oh well, the light probably went out with when I flicked it, you know with the air and everything. It's really ironic how I know nothing about fires. Since I...

"Alright, lets get you buckled up." He muttered snapping me from my thoughts. He reached over and buckled my seat belt in. The car thief believes in buckling up? Was this guy for real?

"Don't take me to far." I said warning him.

He put the hat back down to my chin and pushed my body forward."Ok bend down and keep your head between your legs The whole time. Understand?" he asked

"I have plans tonight." I replied

"Understand?" he asked again

"Yes."

I heard the car start and we were moving.

"So you have plans tonight, huh?" he asked me

"Yes, I made them before I got kidnapped." I was intending to be back before this so of course I had plans. I wasn't a social outcast. Rosalie was going to be so pissed that I didn't show up, it was laughable. I almost wish that I could be there but then not, so I could see her reaction.

* * *

Jasper was in Renesmee's room. He was looking at old pictures and other pieces of paper that could be helpful. Edward walked in his daughter's room.

"What are you doing?" Edward asked Jasper

"Looking for names and numbers and so on..." Edward wouldn't understand this though. Because unlike Jasper, Edward didn't care. Jasper never understood how he could not give a damn about his own daughter, but that's how it was. A real father who cared would have been looking for his daughter and trying to do his best to find her. But all Edward was doing was pouting about the one million that he lost. "Anything to do with her life, really..." Jasper went on to say.

Edward nodded his head.

"Does she have a boyfriend?" Jasper asked

"Well if she does, she's never introduced him to me." Edward replied

"Look at that." Jasper said pointing to a picture of 12 year old Renesmee wearing a black belt.

"When was this?"

"Apparently she was twelve when she got her black belt."

"I wasn't there." Edward stated.

"I know." Jasper replied

Jasper got up and walked over to a picture frame. But it wasn't a just a photo that was inside.

_**'Cullen Heiress Blamed for Boarding School Fire'**_ was what the title of the newspaper cutout read. And underneath it was a picture of Renesmee in her 'Hale Academy' uniform. It almost looked like a mugshot.

"Would you look at that. She got it framed..." Jasper said in amazement. Renesmee truly was like no one else.

Edward said nothing. Jasper had a feeling he didn't even remember when Ren set the fire at her boarding school. She was sixteen at the time it was only two years ago. But like always, Edward just payed off the school, and they dropped the charges saying it was the electrical systems fault. He was never good with dealing with his daughter. But money? Money he could handle. And money just happened to be the only thing that ever got Renesmee out of trouble.

"This could be one of Renesmee's games." Jasper said

"Really? And what did I do this time?" Edward scowled "Forget her birthday, and she takes me for a million dollars." Edward growled

"I don't think it's about the money, Edward."

Edward didn't listen to him, he just walked out of the room.

* * *

_**(Renesmee)**_

"I don't want you messing with my car. I have very sentimental attachments in my life and that car is one of them." I brought my head up from between my legs, he tried to push it back down.

"Stay down." he said

"I've been down long enough." he didn't say anything as I got up and took the hat off.

"You know I'm getting it back. My car, and I don't want to find you've pained it some shit brown or something like that." Then I looked at him, "How much are you and your boyfriend going to get for it anyway?" I wasn't homophobic or anything, but this guy seemed straight and I wanted to piss him off. I think I did because his jaw clenched.

But he said nothing, and he just looked at the road ahead of him. I wouldn't be deterred. I would get him to say something. Why? Because I was bored, and pissing him off was fun.

"You'd probably only get about Forty dollars? A crack head fee, you seem like that type. You know a drug addict." He still wouldn't look at me or say anything. "Why'd you steal it? Then again a guy like you wouldn't know anything about pride or ownership. You wouldn't know what loss is, you steal for a living. Probably get a hard-on doing it. Couldn't you just put your stealing savings into buying 'Grand Theft Auto' or something? It's really healthier than what you're doing now." I finished.

"Let me tell you something. I once stole a Ferrari with a chihuahua in the back, he made less noise then you do."

"Yeah, like I've never heard that one before." I muttered.

* * *

_**Please Review.**_


	4. Twinkie

Well it's been forever since I updated anything. But this story in particular really just shoved on the back burner.

So I'm really sorry about that.

I want to thank all of those that alerted and favorited and especially the ones that reviewed. Because reviews are like candy for the soul. So thanks.

_I Don't own Excess Baggage or Twilight. I'm just borrowing the theme and characters._

* * *

Felix and Demetri were pretty satisfied with their lives. They had one job, and one job only. They transported the stolen cars to various dealerships. Sometimes they would transport a car or cars directly to the buyer.

That's what they were doing right now. A _BMW_, a _Porsche_, and an _Aston Martin_, were to be delivered to Mr. Aro who is paying a hefty amount for these "gently used" cars.

Everyone was going to get paid. The thief, the crooked dealership owner, and thankfully them. As long as they all did their jobs correctly. Which they always did.

So you could imagine their surprise when they pulled up to the warehouse only to find that it was absolutely consumed in flames.

Demetri and Felix exchanged glances. It was completely obvious that the flames were consuming the cars along with the warehouse.

"Shit. What the fuck are we going to do now?" Felix asked

The two watched from a distance as the warehouse completely exploded. No doubt from the excess amount of gasoline.

"I think it's time we pay our friend Mr. Uley a visit." The Demetri stated looking up at his large companion.

* * *

"We don't know anything about Cullen." A pissed of Newton says to Yorkie.

"We know that he's rich." Yorkie replies.

"A million dollars just blows away along with his daughter and he doesn't even blink."

"Maybe he's just one of those guys who doesn't like showing their feelings." Yorkie offered

"I don't trust him." Newton stated

"There's a warehouse on fire downtown, right in our target area." Crowley exclaims rushing to Newton.

* * *

_**(Renesmee)**_

"Do you mind if I have a cigarette?" I asked rhetorically as I took one of his cigarettes along with my lighter. Mr tall dark and stupid, however rained on my parade by taking the cigarette out of my hands.

"You wanna smoke, you can smoke in the trunk." I rolled my eyes, as we just sat in silence.

"So... What's your name?" I asked

"John Doe."

"Pleasure to meet you John, I'm Jane." I said sarcastically while lighting another cigarette, that he then proceed to throw out the window.

He drove down this long path that was full of forest and some other shit. It certainly wasn't a road I'd ever drive down. Well at least not without a date...

"Why are we here? Why are we stopping? Do you have to piss or something?" I asked but he just ignored me.

"Sorry for the whole "kidnapping" misunderstanding." He said while un-cuffing me.

"Thanks, my wrist's were killing me." I rubbed my wrists trying to soothe them.

"This is it. Rides over, get out." he grabbed my backpack and handed it to me.

"What?"

"I said, rides over so get out."

"You can't be serious. I mean your kidding right?"

"No. Goodbye." He reached over and opened the door.

"Is this where you dumped the chihuahua? How long before the coyotes ate it?" I asked not believing what was actually happening.

"It's a twenty minute hike to the highway. Now hit the road."

"But... It's dark."

"It's night time. Good bye."

"No. I'm not going."

"Am I going to have to drag you out?"

"That would be preferable, yes." I said sarcastically. But apparently he didn't get the memo since he got out of the car and started trying to get me out of the car too.

"The easiest thing in the world for a girl to do is be picked up."

"Yeah, second to being raped." I stated while trying my hardest to say in the car.

"Get out of the car."

"No." I stated

"Get out of the damn car."

"NO!" I screamed as loud at the top of my lungs.

"Get. Out. Of. The. Car."

"Make me." I taunted.

And sure enough, as soon as I said I wished I hadn't, as he dragged me out of the car. I tried holding on to the door handle but he successfully pulled me away from it too. He threw my backpack at me.

"No, you can't leave me here. I'll die, or worse. Please don't leave me." I begged and pleaded as I threw myself on the hood of his car. He dragged me off.

"Look what you did." John Doe said looking at the hood. "You scratched the car."

"Oh did I?" I dug into my backpack and found my house key. I dragged the key across the hood etching the letter J.

"You have a couple of screws loose, you know that? Your so fucking crazy." Mr. Doe glared at me furiously. Bringing to mind the saying _"If looks could kill"_.

"Jackass." I muttered

"What?" he growled

"That's what the "J" stands for, Jackass. Though I suppose it could stand for John too.." I replied smugly.

"Get in the car." Jackass growled. I was starting to thing he was an animal with all the growling.

He drove a bit some more and then opened to door to let me out.

"There's a hotel two miles up the road." He said not meeting my gaze.

"And you couldn't drive me two more miles? I guess it's true, chivalry is dead." I scoffed he just glared at me. "I was kidding, jeez." I rolled my eyes "Well enjoy my car." Then went off on my not so merry way.

* * *

_**(Jacob)**_

I drove a couple miles up the road to a gas station. I should have been relieved that the crazy bitch from hell was out of my life for good. But somehow I wasn't. I was feeling something else. A feeling that I didn't particularly want to explore.

I went inside payed for gas and picked up a couple of beers. It would be a long drive back to the warehouse if I didn't have at least some liquid motivation.

The kid at the register put the stuff in a bag and told me what to pay. As I was getting out my wallet, something on TV caught my eye.

"_In the warehouse were expensive luxury cars. there was no one on the premise. And the ownership of everyone but one car is unclear. That ownership of one car is a BMW with the license plate REN 1. Belonging to the still missing RenesmeeCullen daughter and heiress of multimillionaire Edward Cullen. The warehouse is suspected to be the kidnapper's hideout."_

On the TV screen all they kept showing was different video footage of the warehouse going up in flames._ My warehouse,_ going up in flames.

Shit, I am so fucked!

* * *

If Edward wasn't going to do anything about Renesmee then that was his prerogative. But Jasper was definitely going to find out the truth. He was going to find his niece even if it killed him. And he would check out every lead he got. That's how Jasper Whitlock currently found himself in Quil's diner. It was a shoddy little diner that just happened to be very close to the warehouse that burned down. The very one that Renesmee was most likely in.

"Do people live around here or is it just industrial?" Jasper casually asked the waitress who's name-tag read Emily.

"Not many, but some artists have lofts around here." She replied smiling brilliantly.

"What about that building that just burned?"

"Yeah a young guy works there. He's real sweet, I hope he's okay."

"Was that place just his business or did he live there too?"

"I'm pretty sure he lived there. He comes he almost every other day for breakfast. Though he does have another place up north."

"Oh really?" Jasper feigned disinterest.

"Yeah, in fact I have his address right here." Emily showed him a postcard. She walked away as another customer caller for her. Jasper wrote down the address vowing to make that man's life a living hell.

No one was going to get away with hurting Renesmee. Not now. Not ever.

* * *

_**(Jacob)**_

I drove back a mile and sure enough, I saw the bronze headed woman dressed in black, smoking a cigarette. I drove after her but as she noticed me she just walked faster. Hell who can blame her, I would have done the same. But in my defense she not exactly innocent either.

"Cullen we need to talk." she flipped me off then walked away. "Please get in the car."

"Fuck off." was her curt reply. I got out of my car to follow her.

"Wait, you don't understand what's happening. The warehouse burned down, they found your car while your still M.I.A. They're connecting all the wrong dots. They think that I kidnapped you."

"You kinda did."

"No. If anything, I've been trying to get rid of you."

"Well you've succeeded. Now go away."

"Please just come with me so you can call your family to tell them your okay." I was practically begging but I was okay with that. Because if I got busted for kidnapping. my life would so be over.

"How am I okay? I've been handcuffed in your bathroom, handcuffed in your car, denied cigarettes. And what else? Oh yeah, I've been thrown out in the wilderness too." I just stared at her.

"I've got a Twinkie in the car, it's all yours if you want it." I said. I saw a small smile form on her plump mouth.

Once she got in the car, I drove back to the gas station and pulled up by the payphone. While she was eating her twinkie.

"I don't have any money. Someone raided my backpack purse remember? I think I'm missing some lipstick too." Cullen wiggled her eyebrows up and down suggestively. I rolled my eyes and put in the money as she dialed the number.

"Collect call from Renesmee Cullen." I said as her mouth was full of Twinkie.

* * *

_**(Renesmee)**_

"Rennie?" Emmett asked. Emmett was the son of the maid. We grew up with each other and when he became of age he started working for our family too.

"Hey Emmett, can I talk to my father?" I asked.

I had to wait a while for the call to be transferred. He was most likely in his study. He was always in his study when he was home. He'd just lock himself away and I would go days and even weeks without seeing him. And he didn't care. He didn't care that we never saw each other. In fact I think he rather liked it. The less he had to deal with me the better.

"Renesmee, where are you? Are you okay?" my father asked pretending to be worried.

This was it. All I'd have to do now was tell my father that I was okay. Hell I could even tell him where I was. And then it would all be over, and I could go home. Everything would go back to being the way it was.

But then it dawned on me. What if I didn't want everything to go back to the way it was. It was obvious now that my father didn't care and he likely wasn't going to start caring. So why would I want to go back there. I needed to turn over a new leaf. I needed to start my own life. One that wasn't centered on me trying to get his attention.

"Daddy, he made me touch his twinkie." I said those words with the most innocent voice I could muster.

I knew he would stop now. Now that it was obvious to him that I wasn't serious. He'd never think that maybe I was trying to get his attention because maybe I wanted to have a relationship with him. He'd only see that his immature daughter was trying to make him look stupid, yet again.

That's all he'd see. That's all he'd ever see. Because Edward Cullen only saw the world the way he wanted to see the world, black and white. Never gray. Unfortunately I am the gray area.

"BANG!" I was snapped from my thoughts by John Doe hanging up the phone so hard I thought it would brake off.

"Touch what?" John Doe glared.

"Twinkie." I stated while I put the last bit of the twinkie in my mouth.

He walked over to his car ready to get in and drive off, I followed him.

"Stay away from my car." He said adamantly.

"I gotta get my bag." I said.

"Get away. Get away from my car."

I ran to his car got into the passenger side and handcuffed my self to the door. Then I put the key in my mouth.

* * *

_**(Jacob)**_

"If I were you I wouldn't want to be handcuffed by me. Not right now with the way I feel. Un-cuff yourself, then get out of my car." I watched out the window as this beat up gas station just got a whole lot busier. Now was not the time to make a scene. Especially not when everyone thinks she's been kidnapped, with me being the one responsible.

She said and did nothing. "Where's the key?" I asked

She stuck her tongue out at me and laying on top of her tongue ring was a key. I grabbed her upper thigh in a silent protest to get her to spit the key out.

"Mmmmmnnngghh" She screams with her mouth closed.

"Give. Me. The. Key." I said slowly saying each word.

She keels over and starts chocking, conveniently by my crotch. She keeps chocking and says "You made me swallow it." The gas station kid walks by and stares at us.

Then she looks at the kid and asks "Why do boys always make you swallow?" The kids eyes go wide as his cheeks flush then he walks away.

But she's not fooling me. "I'm not kidding where is it? Open up." I pry her mouth open trying to find the damn key that I know she didn't swallow. An old man walks by staring at us.

Not wanting to look even more suspicious then we already do. I grabbed her face and softly forced her lips meet mine. Her lips were soft, warm, and inviting. Nothing at all like their owner.

And suddenly I forgot all about the crazy-assedwoman that was currently ruining my life. All I could think about was the sexy little minx that I was currently making out with. Of course that feeling was know doubt going to be ruined as soon as she started talking again.

"Mmm Twinkie, I knew you couldn't resist me." she breathed. I felt my face flush.

Damn it all to hell. This chick was ruining my life bit by bit. She has the whole state Washington convinced that I kidnapped her. She burned my warehouse and home down. She keyed my car. And she accused me sexually harassing her. Any normal person would hate her. So why the fuck do I find myself falling for her?

* * *

**Review** my peeps! =D


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